The New Ten Commandments

by Roland Foster

The original Ten Commandments, briefly:

Our Society's Improved Version:

Popular opinion is God. You shall not be politically incorrect.
You have a right to worship anyone or anything you wish, and idols can be helpful. You shall not claim that your religion is the truth, especially if you are a Christian.
You shall not apply words like "sin," "morality," "righteousness," and "responsibility" to individual behavior, because it makes people uncomfortable.
Remember the sabbath day, and have a good time doing whatever you enjoy.
Honor the rich and powerful, for they may be useful to you. Get what you can from your parents, and hope they have enough left to get into the old folks' home.
You shall not murder anyone who matters. Unborn babies are okay, as are those who may be dying anyway (other nuisances will be added to this list as appropriate).
You shall not commit adultery unless you really want to; but if you aren't married, every form of sexual activity is healthy, normal, and strongly encouraged, and the earlier children get started, the better.
You shall not steal; but if you do steal, don't get caught. In case you get caught, be sure to steal enough so you can afford a high-priced lawyer.
You shall not give false testimony, unless you carefully redefine the words you are using so you can claim you aren't lying.
You have a right to be happy, and that means to have as much of everything as you desire. This is especially true if your neighbor has more than you have.